PUERTO VALLARTA

An insensitive negative pessimistic rude sarcastic satirical  view

Puerto Vallarta, Pretty Vapid or PV for short, started out as a sleepy fishing village until two Hollywood actors decided to have an affair. The well known on again off again love affair and marriage of Liz Taylor and Richard Burton put PV on the map. Thank God that fact is not highlighted at every turn. I'd be forced to puke if I was repeatedly told subjectively that the only reason I was in PV was because of some dead drunkard and an aging mouthy actress with a younger male singer freak for a friend.

Vallarta is located on the Pacific side of Mexico, which means that the water is colder and less pleasant than it's Caribbean side. However, the coarser brown sand beaches get negligible seaweed wash-up every morning. The town that gets 1 million Mexican and 1 1/2 non-Mexican tourists a year, is bordered by the ocean on the west and the Sierra Madre mountains to the east. By bus, Mazatlan is eight hours North while South of PV you can get to Manzanillo in five hours, Ixtapa Zihuatanejo in 15 or Acapulco in18 hours.

Timeshares - Be forewarned of timeshare sales. Starting at the airport, once you get past immigration and customs, you'll come into contact with friendly official looking people who invite you to get some information. Since they're in a seemingly non-public protected area before the open concourse, you may assume that they are really looking out for your welfare, rather the their own. Don't be fooled. They want to suck you into a high pressure sales presentation that will probably last 4 hours instead of the promised 1 1/2. If you're really cheap, have a lot of time, are desperate for some false friends, have more money than brains, dumb or are in usedcar sales training then go ahead and envelope yourself in this overtly warm and caring relationship. However, if you're like the rest of us you may want to pre-invest in a t-shirt that says " I Do NOT Qualify for a Timeshare".

It's seem that you'll find timeshare sales outside of many high end hotels, on every busy pedestrian street and tucked away in all other likely tourist spots. I even came across one these helpful people at the chicken bus station where I was the only non-local out of the 50 or so people that were there. The commission rate must be super because they also seem to occupy some very high cost real estate.

If you're lonely and scared they can be welcoming for a short encounter, otherwise just keep saying "No, thanks" and they'll leave you alone. To see if they're really sharp, as they try and hook you into their spiel in your native English language, just tell them "No hable Ingles". The most frightening exchange I heard in passing was a buxom young blonde being told "and, we'll set you up in a house while we..". Parents, please at least feign interest and monitor your children's activities.